A Hope (Lonely n Dying)

I too, once, like you…

Was out there – everywhere,

I had no fear, no drop of tear,

Was so alive n high on life…

Until one day, in a fatal play…

In a game with little gain,

Lost so badly, whatever I had,

To someone, I had never met…

I wonder what, caught my mind?

Groovy eyes or captivating smile?

I lost my heart, I lost my breath,

I lost my world, I lost my life …

But there was something that I retained…

A hope!

A hope to gaze into his groovy eyes,

A hope to see his captivating smile,

A hope to meet him for one last time,

But a life time has past by while I 's waiting..

Now, With me, my hope too is … Lonely & Dying…

Rups

They say, never snatch away hope from someone, that might be the only thing they have!

What about my hope to live THAT one day again ... differently..... a Day in July 2007...

...But… she was gone!

She had known him for so long …

Longer than the time they met.

Is that why he took her for granted?

Is that why she didn’t hear -

Neither to her inner voice,

Nor to his silent words…

She kept denying her interest in him

For she believed: “I like him, not Love him!”

But what she didn’t know was: it was happening…

Even before she could sense it…!!!

He knew & he knew for sure-

He was ‘The One’ for her…

He realized this, when they were kissing,

By then he knew it was more than ‘liking’,

He got to know … Then…

Even Before she could sense it…!!!

Is that why he got alarmed?

Is that why he felt darned?

Maybe it was right for him to lie…

Maybe it was time to bid her Good Bye!!!

So he decided to give up on her,

Decided to distance from her,

He could’ve opted to let her know-

That he didn’t mean to reject her,

That he didn’t intend to desert her.

For, she hardly knew it was more than just ‘Liking’…

For, she hardly realized that it was happening…

But he didn’t choose that option …. He didn’t,

He didn’t talk…He didn’t care…

He didn’t stop her.. He just didn’t …

And by the time he could… She was gone….!!! She was gone forever…!!!

-Rups

For someone who hurt her … Will it even matter if she is gone forever??? 1^st August , 2007

Is “Friendship” really forever?

As kids, we’ve been hearing this: “Friendship is Forever”; “A friend in need is a friend indeed” and all other worldly versions of how undying this relationship called as friendship can be!

The question is – How believable this “Friendship-is-forever” theory is?

When we agree to the saying “The only thing permanent in this world is change, won’t it be a paradox to say Friendship-is-forever”?

Okay, we have this bunch of people in our lives, proudly termed as ‘FRIENDS’, who have been with us through a good amount of ups & downs, for say a few years or even a decade or two! The moment you met them, you knew they were the “friends-type-material” OR you discovered it gradually from the instance when you met them for the first time, with this feeling growing with every new meeting. And by now, you are sure (Well, almost sure!) that you know them so well. So well, that you, with bare minimum efforts can predict what/how their reaction will be for certain statements/acts of yours AND vice versa! That’s how well you know each other by now!

All goes well, even with your difference in choices, opinions, thoughts, actions, reactions & host of other dissimilarities. However, an interesting observation springs up when you directly or indirectly come face-to-face with how exactly this friend of your feels about you!

Case1: The new finding delights you… Because now you know how special you as a friend are to this person!

Case2: The new finding disappoints you … Because you just discovered that this ‘friend’ hardly cares about your existence!

In Case1 – how permanent should this feeling of delight be? What makes us so sure while celebrating, that the next finding is Not going to be similar to that of Case2?
Yeah, maybe it’s the most cynical way of looking at this case, but won’t that prep us mentally to face the ‘god-forbid’ case 2? Still, we as normal human beings choose to believe in this new finding cent-percent & continue this relationship – ‘Friendship’. And we quote this case as a reason good enough to overlook any hurt this relationship or this friend is causing to you!

In Case2 – the best consoling reasoning we can think of is ‘He/She was never my friend on the first place’! However, the very fact that we need to console ourselves for something he/she said is a pointer enough to tag him/her as our friend enough on the first place! So that consoling doesn’t work an inch! All other reasoning after this either fails or are hardly convincing. Confronting is a sure shot of way of reinforcing the deeply imbibed feeling of hurt or resentment. So, we as normal friends, chose to either overlook this bad patch, continue with this friendship until we bump into another instance of such case2. OR we give up – on that person, on that relationship.

Is it that difficult/unimportant to be transparent even with your closest friends – about everything, including how important/insignificant that friend is to you? Is it true that we tend to over-tolerate/overlook hurt caused by our friends, in a bargain to maintain that relationship forever within a comfort zone? Is that when a friendship lasts forever?

Is it even practical to believe when someone confirms ‘I’ll be there for you forever’?

How long is this ‘forever’? What defines the end to this? How receptive will we be when we see the end approaching to one of our undying ‘Forever-Friendships’?

And above all, why in spite of such experiences in our lives, still some individuals continue to be on the top-priority-list of yours? Are these the ‘Forever-Friends’? Or are they the friends who have not yet defined by Case1 or Case2? OR...is there a possibility of a Case3?

-Rups

Such Enormous thoughts & Painful Questions are still clouding my mind … 24^th July 2007

Is being Non-Emotional “THE THING” for this millennium?

Okay, so let’s face it – we all have thought about it for at least ONCE in our lifetime.

“FINE, I’ve had it enough! This time, I’m gonna be oh-so-non-emotional”

But the question is do we really feel that from within or is it just another emotional gesture for a less-emotional person’s emotionless reaction to your selfless act/feeling?

• Do this species called as “The Less-emotional” or “the Non-Emotional” really exist?
• Or are they just some deceptive form of normal, emotional human beings?
• Can’t it be truer that some people actually LACK the art of expressing their emotional self?
• OR
• As in cases of most men (and at times, women) are AFRAID of being expressed (exposed emotionally) in the first place?
• {OR Some other alien feeling (that I can’t think of right now)- ?}

Doubt No. 1: – Do these type of people also AT TIMES feel the need to express flawlessly?
If yes, isn’t that an emotion for fulfilling a practical requirement? Do they express at least this to their loved ones?
If no, have they totally surrendered to the fact(?) that they CAN’T Express?

Doubt No. 2: – Are these kind of people more emotionally vulnerable than any of us? Is it actually a fear of being transparent to others that’s more scary or it’s scarier getting emotionally rejected more pronounced?

Whatever it be, Next question is "How do we deal with such people?"

• Is it wiser to accept them with their deceptive ‘Non-Emotional’mask?
• Is it better to introduce them to their innerselves – gradually? (provided if they allow u nearby) OR
• Is it better to let them hurt you emotionally for all your self less acts or feelings you have for them?

AND

Is it even worth to take a silly decision of being “Non-Emotional” as an after-effect of meeting such less-emotional people?

-Rups

Wondering what happened yesterday & why? Written at 11.45pm on 22^nd July 2007 ... Bangalore

... Cheers...!!!

At this Favorite Pub of mine,
Where once i wished to go with you-
I'm hanging out , all alone,
where once i wished to be with you!

It's a cold Wednesday evening,
It's drizzling and its breezy;
& here I am, pretending all's fine,
but you know its not that easy!

In my throat a little lump,
Is making it tough for me to gulp-
This favorite Drink of mine..
This Long Island Iced Tea...!

So, then i remembered i didn't Cheers!
Without which I just never used to drink-
This favorite Drink of mine,
This Long Island Iced Tea!

Cheers, to my First Pub without you...
Cheers, to my First Drink without you...
Cheers, to this evening, one without you..
Cheers, to me, The 'Me' without you... !!!

Rups Says... Cheers to the First Cheers without you!!!
A Wednesday @ 13th Floor, Bangalore

... Now-a-Days...

Hey Friend, I called you just to tell you,
About my Life-Now-a-Days ...
...Life without you, Now-a-Days!
Oh! No, don't worry -
It's not as bad as you may assume.

I hope you'll be glad to know -
I'm still alive, now-a-days;
i.e. I'm still breathing now-a-days.

With little to talk on phone,
I hardly charge my mobile now-a-days;
With no desire to look great,
I hardly spend on salons now-a-days;
With no need to be in senses,
I remain in trance now-a-days;
With an awareness of my broken heart,
I hardly talk about romance now-a-days.

To all our favorite joints in the town,
I still go, though alone, now-a-days;
So hurt & broke with your rejection,
I cry with no apprehension now-a-days.
With hardly any scope of personal life,
I've dug myself in workplace now a days;
With no hope of messages from you,
I hardly check my mails now-a-days.

I walk on my terrace till dawn,
I'm so sleepless now-a-days;
I keep gazing at the city-lights,
I'm so lost now-a-days.
I still am sad for what happened,
But i fake smiles a lot now-a-days;
I know I hardly exist for you,
Still I miss you a lot now-a-days.

As I hate to give up on life,
I try n carry on now-a-days;
Though I see everything shattered,
I still hope for a miracle now-a-days;
Oh by the way, forgot to mention,
I'm not the same now-a-days;
BUT...U'r still my LAST-WISH, boy...
... As I lay on my Death-Bed now-a-days !!!


-Rups
...Does Life become better if we have No More Desires?
Does that mean my life is actually better Now-A-Days?
31st July 2007

... If I were a Cigarette ...

If I were a Cigarette, What would've been my Fate?

- Ended up in Smoke as usual?
- Thrown in a bin, half lit, by a broken heart?
- Drenched in the first Rains, by a school boy?
- Puffed up by a virgin-Smoker, in backstreet?
- Burned to ashes on Ash-tray rim, by a forgetful?
- Stored As-is with the pack, by an emotional?
OR
- Stored with the lipstick mark which belonged to his Girlfriend, by a Lover???

.... If I were a Cigarette, What would've been my Fate?

Rups
22nd July 2007... Purple Haze, Bangalore